Yay..Nay...Yay...Nay...

Ever have one of those days were it just fluctuates between really good and really bad?

I've had three in the past couple weeks.

One day it was report cards and ouchies; first Zane came home with his report card-nay, then Wyatt came home with his-yay(I'll do a blog post on how wonderful he's doing later), then Luke fell out of the computer chair and hit his head on the heat register....


The next day had Zane's IEP meeting-nay, but Wyatt's special ed teacher called that evening with all good things to say about him(I'll have all that in the blog post on him)-yay.

Then yesterday....ugh.....We're getting a snow storm-nay, did manage to get groceries and some Christmas gifts bought-yay, brakes went out on the SUV on the way home-nay, Wyatt decided to be 100% potty-trained-yay.

I used to have a pretty even-keeled life, *sighs*, I miss it. :P

Oooh, Christmas tree.......

Is it obvious I have a little one in the house? LOL The stuffed animals under the tree are Luke's favorite buddies. :)

They Say God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle...

But I'm thinking he has me confused with someone else. I do have a pretty common first and last name.

For those of you that don't know, last year around this time I started the process to have Wyatt diagnosed with autism. It was a very painful 6 months process that at times had me bawling my eyes out feeling hopeless and like a failure.

Well, last Wednesday I started the whole process over again, this time with Zane. He's been on an IEP for the past two years, getting help in speech, fine motor, and gross motor. In K they just thought he was behind. In 1st we were told by his teacher that his work ethic was bad and he wasn't apply himself. So being the "good" parents we are we punished him(no PS2 and other things he wanted). So walking into his first parent/teachers conference this fall I was expecting much of the same. But the first words out of Mr. S's mouth was "What's his diagnosis?". And the bottom of my world fell out again. Of course, since I've been through this before I should be able to get through it faster this time. But of course this time I'm dealing with huge amounts of guilt for punishing him last year for things he couldn't help and even greater feelings of being a failure as a parent cause I should of seen the signs after the the stuff we went through with Wyatt.

I failed to see what was right in front of me, I took someone else thoughts on my child before my own gut. I didn't protect him when I should of, I didn't have his back, he suffered because of my lack of faith in him and I'll carry that with me for the rest of my life.

Where I Live...

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Celebrating Holland- I'm Home
By Cathy Anthony

(my follow-up to the original \Welcome to Holland\ by Emily Perl Kingsley)

I have been in Holland for over a decade now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than I'd planned.I reflect back on those years of past when I had first landed in Holland. I remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger, the pain and uncertainty. Inthose first few years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned so much more. But, this too has been a journey of time.

I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language and I slowly found my way around this new land. I have met others whose plans had changed like mine, and who could share my experience. We supported one another and some have become very special friends.

Some of these fellow travelers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many have encouraged me. Many have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I have discovered a community of caring. Holland wasn't so bad.

I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, to assist and to support newcomers like me in this new land. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons I hold today?

Sure, this journey has been more challenging and at times I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland with its tulips, windmills and Rembrandts.

I have come to love Holland and call it Home.

I have become a world traveler and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely, things that Holland, or any land, has to offer.

Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!

School Pics

Wyatt(5):

Zane(8):

My Irish laddies

*throws confetti*

The annual boys in front of the tree pic...

Tis the Season!

What a difference 5 months makes...

Boo!!

Well, it's been a while...

I'm not sure why Zane and Luke were raising their arms, or why Wyatt felt the need to be on the other end of the couch. They weren't stinky. :P I just think they get great joy out of messing with me when I'm trying to get a nice picture of the three of them together.

*swears under breath*

Soooo, I'm at my routine 6 month asthma check-up last Wed. My dr. is listening to my heart and asks "Have you always had a heart murmur?". Aahhmmmmm, NO! So he schedules an echocardiogram for that Thursday afternoon. The nice dude doing the echo tells me they'll sent it to a cardiologist who will look at it and then let my dr. know. Says I should hear something early this week.

Sooooo, Monday finally rolls around....I'm attached to the phone, won't even vacuum during office hours so I don't miss the call.. Nada!(The boys were nice enough all Monday evening to keep my mind occupied by acting like the anti-christs.)

Tuesday....Nada again...(Zane brought a computer learning game from from school, so the boys kept me busy doing that.)

Ok, enough of this, Wednesday morning I call the dr. office , nice lady on the phone tells me my results should be in by now. I listen to office music while I'm on hold as she checks....Yep, results are in my file, BUT....my dr. hasn't signed off on them yet. The cardiologist has though. She'll have my dr. look at them and call me, today. *eyeballs phone*

Oh, and if he doesn't call today it won't be until Friday because he has Thursdays off.

But Wyatt is keeping me busy by running outside in just a pull-up in 40 degree weather everytime I turn around. And Luke is refusing to nap. Why don't they try distracting me by being cute and adorable? Off to yell, scream, and nag.

Look..It's not a picture of my kids :P

Guess he must of know how close I was to going through the yellow pages, the A section.

No, not A as in Attorney-divorce.....A as in Assassin. :P

*note to self---clean computer desk*

Better than dead birds.

So I'm sitting at the computer a couple days ago and Zane comes inside asking me to come outside because he had something to show me. Oh course last time he said that to me it was two dead birds in the yard he wanted me to remove. So I go out there expecting something gross. Nope. He's riding his old bike without the training wheels. He still wants the training wheels on his new bike, but it's a start. I guess Hannah (the girl triplet) has been helping him. I should of known it would take a cute blonde to get him motivated. :P

Pondering on a foot.

What the blazes is this thing? And how can I use it to cause the most trouble?

A comparison

I didn't realize exactly how much bigger Luke had gotten until I compared the newborn carseat pic to the one month ones. Wow. Guess he's just trying to catch up to his big brothers.

One month ago.

Luke was born one month ago today. It's amazing how much bigger and stronger he's gotten in that month.

And of course the big brothers wanted in on the camera action also. I'm not sure if Luke liked sharing the spotlight though.

Just a swingin'

Here's Luke somewhat enjoying the swing. He likes it if it's going fast, but since it needs fresh batteries it doesn't go too fast right now. So we're gonna have to do a battery run today. There's never D's in the house when you need them.

Oh man, all five of us in Menards. I might need a Gloria Jeans stop afterwards. Thank goodness there's one inside Menards. :D

First official bottle

Luke had his first bottle yesterday. He drank 4 ounces of formula. Of course that wasn't enough for the little big man and he had to nurse also. He didn't do too bad. Only slightly soaked his onesie. And the formula didn't seem to upset his stomach.