How Jill and I entertain ourselves...

As shown with excerpts from our emails........

Jill: you are bad today Jen! I love it!!!!!!!
I am going to go get Mcd's.. I need to eat before I am whacked by the kinkies.. I am afraid.. I feel like a mob hit has been placed.. I mean dude B called this morning and said hello and hung up on me... it is starting.. the end of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jen: Awwwwwwwwwwww. *hugs*
The SGT will protect you. I'm sure he'll be more than willing to throw his body on top of yours to protect you. I'm sure Hank would be willing to be back-up. LOL
Arg!! Now I'm craving *drools*...................................
McD's breakfast........You thought that was going to be something dirty didn't you?

Jilll:*sniffles* You are right.. his strong manly body
protecting mine... HAHA
I had MCD's for lunch... never had breakfast! LOL
Oh whatever.. you are so thinking dirty!

Jen: LOL Am not!! Right now I'm thinking of a sandwich. Nothing dirty there. *polishes halo* *pushes down horns*

Jill: Are too!

Jen: What's dirty about a sandwich, some meat....spread....I just can't figure out how that could be taken as dirty.

Jill: umm the spread and the meat.. oh never mind!

I want how a sandwich is dirty explained to me, in great detail, with some diagrams, and maybe some video.

A noun, a verb, an idiom....

Whack:

v., whacked, whack·ing, whacks.

v.tr.
1.To strike (someone or something) with a sharp blow; slap.
2.Slang. To kill deliberately; murder.

v.intr.
To deal a sharp, resounding blow.

n.
1.A sharp, swift blow.
2.The sound made by a sharp, swift blow.

phrasal verb:
whack off Vulgar Slang.
To masturbate.

idioms:
have (or take) a whack at Informal.
To try out; attempt.

out of whack Informal.
Improperly ordered or balanced; not functioning correctly.

whacked out Slang.
1.Exhausted.
2.Crazy.
3.Under the influence of a mind-altering drug.

ETA:
out of whack
One who has exhausted all desire to masturbate. In this definition whack refers to semen. "Out of" suggests you are tapped dry.
Ha ha Jimmy can't play soggy cracker tonight as he is out of whack!

Is it no wonder that this is now mine and Kris' new favorite word of the moment. It does dirty, violent and crazy all together. So fitting. LOL

I adore Family Guy.

So, I don't know if it's the lack of oxygen, the lack of sleep, a side effect of the Duoneb, or whatever.....

Brain: Ugh, I can't beileve you're serving a three year sentance, it seems so harsh.
Lois: Well, the only upside is that it's given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealin' because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me...
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois:...and I was tryin' to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects, and things...
Quagmire: Oh God!!!
Lois: ...and I felt wonderful with all those things fillin' that hole.
Quagmire: Oh God!!!!!!
Lois: I did this to myself, so I'm just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
Quagmire: That one is also sexual.

Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Quagmire (with a trashy girl on his arm): Hang around little guy, I'll be back later (he winks).
Stewie: Oh very well. I suppose I'll go and pump the chemical toilet. (Eyes the trashy girl.) apparently, you're about to do the same.

Yeah, I just blew an entire hour at this site... http://www.familyguyquotes.com/top-rated-quotes.html

For a day.

What women would do if they had a penis for a day:
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......


What men would do if they had a vagina for a day:
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

What happened after Jill said BRB.....

Jennifer says:
I'm back
yummy, Turtle Chex Mix
yes, I know I'm talking to myself
I'm grilling burgers for lunch today
and french fires, but I'm not grilling them
I shall bake them in the oven
and fries not fires
lol
french fires lol
I wonder how they're different from other countries' fires
ok
let's see if we all have this straight...
I'm grilling the burgers....
and baking the french fries
I'm glad we got that all straightened out
see what happens when I'm left alone in a chat room
and Jill thinks she's the only one that rambles
our avatars are HAWT!!!
LIASEX!!!
just had to get that in there
hmmmmmmmmm
Bill might be awake
I guess now
not*
I've babbled some nonsense at him and he hasn't responded
or he's just ignoring me
*gets out the chainsaw*
IGNORE ME WILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!
*goes and takes meds for the day*
my cell phone is white
I hate that
my next one is soooo not going to be white
I like red
my tank top I have on is red
it speaks
I must go harass it
he luvvvvvvvvvvs me
poor man
he should get sympathy cards
I'll be around

Yeah, I don't handle aloneness very well some days.

Bullet and Pussy

Jill says:
damn dog
Basira says:
lol
what is it doing now?
Jill says:
licking my boobs
Kris says:
LMAO
Jill says:
well trying too
Jennifer says:
naked?
Jill says:
I have a PJ top on but still
Jennifer says:
you, not the dog
Jill says:
right
Jennifer says:
I know the dog is naked
Jill says:
now he smelling you guys
Jennifer says:
or does he dress Bullet?
Basira says:
I can't stop laughing!
Jill says:
NO!
only a doggie vest
Kris says:
lol
Basira says:
omg
Jill says:
for work
Jennifer says:
does Kevin know his dog is trying to make it with you?
Jill says:
Bullet smells drugs and pussy
Basira says:
he's infatuated by you Jill
Jill says:
YES
I know
Kevin is laughing so hard right now
Basira says:
so am I
Jennifer says:
is he jealous?
Jill says:
I think he is getting that way
he threw a pillow at him
and said
Basira says:
Kev's back?
Jill says:
"get your own woman"
Kris says:
lol
Jill says:
yes
Kris says:
*smilie face*
Basira says:
LMFAO
Jennifer says:
tell him the only pussy he's gonna get is his Glock if he doesn't train his dog to behave
Basira says:
I can't stop laughing!
Jill says:
ok
LMAO Jen
O M G
that was so good
Jen
Kevin said
"Yeah, no shit-good point"

Finally, I deliver on the sex......

Sex meme that is.

Hey, months later, but it's better late than never.

Not states, but places I've had sex:
1. TV station parking lot(in a car).
2. Cemetary(again, car involved).
3. Hotel rooms.
4. Beds/Couches/Chairs.
5. Floors.
6. A tent.
7. On the ground, in the open(mosquitoes are evil).
8. Bathroom counter.
9. Back porch.
10. A driveway.

I'll go with Kris and stop at 10. It's a nice even number. LOL

AND THE ABOVE WERE NOT LISTED IN ANY ORDER OF IMPORTANCE!!!!!

Is this a porn site?

Kris' reputation precedes her. LMAO!!


Kris says:
http://mommy2caitybug.blogspot.com/
Kris says:
He totally admits I'm dominant!
another reason to flove JC
Marina says:
omg Kris, is this a porn site?
Kris says:
LMAO
it's my blog
Jill says:
LMAO
Jennifer says:

Marina says:
my eyes MY EYES!
lol
Jill says:
I just spit Pepsi
Jennifer says:

Kris says:
lol

The old man.....

This is Dom aka old man. He's around 13 years old and, besides family, is the only male that has been able to put up with me for that long. LOL I wonder if the fact that's he's neutered has anything to do with that.

How to satisfy.....

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffy lube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle,snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade ,flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather,mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME:

Show up naked.

Another day, more emails between Kris and I....

Kris
Jennifer(me)

LOL It's not important. It's not like I was making vodoo dolls or anything, was just bored and wondering.

Damn it. I thought we were pulling out the voodoo dolls.
*glum*

Hmmmm, maybe just some simple poxes or curses?

Hey I just got my new supply of frog legs and newt eyes.
I can go for poxes.

Works for me. And I just got done pulling wings off of bats.

So we're conjuring up Boils and hair falling out and and and...

and warts and and and and.........rapid weight gain.