They Say God Doesn't Give You More Than You Can Handle...

But I'm thinking he has me confused with someone else. I do have a pretty common first and last name.

For those of you that don't know, last year around this time I started the process to have Wyatt diagnosed with autism. It was a very painful 6 months process that at times had me bawling my eyes out feeling hopeless and like a failure.

Well, last Wednesday I started the whole process over again, this time with Zane. He's been on an IEP for the past two years, getting help in speech, fine motor, and gross motor. In K they just thought he was behind. In 1st we were told by his teacher that his work ethic was bad and he wasn't apply himself. So being the "good" parents we are we punished him(no PS2 and other things he wanted). So walking into his first parent/teachers conference this fall I was expecting much of the same. But the first words out of Mr. S's mouth was "What's his diagnosis?". And the bottom of my world fell out again. Of course, since I've been through this before I should be able to get through it faster this time. But of course this time I'm dealing with huge amounts of guilt for punishing him last year for things he couldn't help and even greater feelings of being a failure as a parent cause I should of seen the signs after the the stuff we went through with Wyatt.

I failed to see what was right in front of me, I took someone else thoughts on my child before my own gut. I didn't protect him when I should of, I didn't have his back, he suffered because of my lack of faith in him and I'll carry that with me for the rest of my life.